


Connection

by tablelamp



Category: Crazy Rich Asians (2018), Star Trek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Developing Relationship, F/F, Families of Choice, Hurt/Comfort, Starfleet, Trills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-05 15:25:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17327540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tablelamp/pseuds/tablelamp
Summary: The first time Rachel had met Ambassador Leong-Teo was when she'd been a lieutenant aboard the Tenacity.





	1. Then:  A Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [julianbashir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/julianbashir/gifts).



The first time Rachel had met Ambassador Leong-Teo was when she'd been a lieutenant aboard the Tenacity. They'd been transporting the ambassador home from a successful negotiation, and there had been a reception for her in Ten-Forward. Ambassador Leong-Teo had a reputation for the calm, quiet way in which she conducted negotiations; Rachel had read about her most recent negotiation in the Tenacity's database in case they ended up speaking.

Given the crowd around the ambassador, however, Rachel didn't think the odds of talking to Ambassador Leong-Teo were in her favor. Instead, she sat at a table off to the side, sipping her synthehol and watching from a distance. Ambassador Leong-Teo didn't look fazed by the attention at all; in fact, she looked composed and utterly at home. The rumors were that Ambassador Leong-Teo was a style icon back on the Trill homeworld, and Rachel could imagine that very easily. The ambassador's clothes were stylish but definitely not ostentatious, with clean, elegant lines, and the ambassador herself was very beautiful. Not that Rachel had any business noticing that.

Peik Lin, who had befriended Rachel in her early days on the ship and who had until now been chatting easily with the ambassador, turned, searching the room until her eyes fastened on Rachel. "Rachel! Come here!"

Rachel tried to signal that she was fine where she was, but Peik Lin was insistent, gesturing for her to come join them. Rachel took a deep breath, picked up her drink, and joined the throng, murmuring polite "excuse me"s as she worked her way toward the woman at the center of the hubbub.

"This is my best friend Rachel," Peik Lin told Ambassador Leong-Teo. "Lieutenant Rachel Chu."

Ambassador Leong-Teo smiled at Rachel and nodded. "A pleasure to meet you, Lieutenant."

"The pleasure is mine, Ambassador," Rachel said, returning the nod. Ambassador Leong-Teo was even more strikingly beautiful up close, and if Rachel managed to get out of this conversation without saying something ridiculous, she'd count it as a success.

"You work in Engineering, I think?" Ambassador Leong-Teo asked.

Rachel gave Peik Lin a 'did you tell her?' look, to which Peik Lin shook her head in an obvious 'nope!' 

Rachel cleared her throat. "I do. How did you--?"

"You have calluses that match how you'd hold a decoupler," Ambassador Leong-Teo said, a hint of a smile forming.

Rachel laughed. "I've been doing a lot of work on the replicators lately. Are you an engineer too?"

"No, but a former host of mine was," Ambassador Leong-Teo said. Her brow furrowed slightly. "I'm sorry...I don't remember her name."

"That's okay," Rachel said, wondering why the ambassador seemed worried about that. "I probably didn't know her anyway." 

"I bet you've had so many hosts you can't keep track of them all," Peik Lin added.

Ambassador Leong-Teo smiled, but this time, Rachel thought the smile looked forced. "That must be it. If you'll excuse me, I want to be sure I get the chance to speak with everyone who's been kind enough to attend. It was good to meet you both."

"It was good to meet you too," Rachel said.

"See you later!" Peik Lin said. 

After they'd left the reception and were walking back to their quarters, Peik Lin turned to Rachel. "She seems nice."

"She does," Rachel said. "And a little sad."

"Huh," Peik Lin said. "I didn't notice that."

Rachel shrugged. "Just a feeling I had."

"You're usually right about that stuff." Peik Lin slung an arm around Rachel's shoulders. "What do you think about an hour in the holodeck? I just got a new program set in the Jalara Jungle and I really wanna try it out."

"Maybe tomorrow night?" Rachel said. "I have an early shift in the morning." Peik Lin had seemingly boundless reserves of energy, but Rachel didn't, and didn't like going on-shift tired if she could help it. Not that Peik Lin ever minded when Rachel had to beg off.

"Sure," Peik Lin said. "Maybe I'll try it out a little bit tonight so I can tell you how it is tomorrow."

"Sounds good," Rachel said. "Have a good time!"

"You know it," Peik Lin said, heading off toward the holodeck.

It took Rachel a while to fall asleep. She couldn't stop thinking about the ambassador and wondering whether something was wrong.


	2. Now:  A Reunion

_Now_

"Explorer to Captain Chu."

Rachel tapped her communicator. "Go ahead."

"We're in orbit around the nearest planet, Captain, as ordered. Still within transporter range, though."

Rachel smiled to herself. "Worried about the safety of the Starbase, Mr. Young?"

"No, Captain." But Commander Young sounded a bit hesitant. He was new to being a first officer, and Rachel suspected he was just a little nervous about his position in the chain of command. She had been too, when she'd first been assigned the post of first officer.

"I appreciate your caution," Rachel said. "It'll serve you well. Chu out." She tapped her communicator again to close the communication channel.

Starbase 343 was a good place to take shore leave, and Rachel knew she and her crew were ready for one. There were enough attractions, restaurants, and holosuites to satisfy anyone's tastes--in fact, Rachel had heard there was a new Bolian restaurant here that was wonderful. She planned to try it for at least one meal, and then to go back if it was as good as everyone claimed.

A flicker of movement caught Rachel's attention, and she turned to follow it. A woman was approaching, and something about her posture seemed oddly familiar. Rachel took a step forward.

"Ambassador?" she asked hesitantly. It had been a long time since she'd seen the ambassador, and Rachel hoped that, if she was wrong, she wouldn't be embarrassing whoever this was.

But the woman stopped in response to the title, and when her eyes met Rachel's, Rachel knew it was Ambassador Leong-Teo. She'd changed, though. She had always moved through the world with the appearance of ease, and although she still did, Rachel could see the effort behind the ease in a way she'd never been able to before. The quiet of the ambassador's demeanor seemed to have turned inward, as though she didn't want anyone to see her.

"I'm sorry," Ambassador Leong-Teo said. "I don't remember your name."

"I wouldn't expect you to. We met a long time ago aboard the Tenacity," Rachel said. "I'm Rachel Chu."

Ambassador Leong-Teo smiled, gesturing to Rachel's uniform. "I think you mean Captain Rachel Chu, by the look of it."

Rachel shook her head, wishing she'd taken the time to change out of her uniform before she'd beamed down. "I'm off-duty. Just Rachel."

"Hello, Rachel. I'm Astrid."

Rachel couldn't quite believe that the ambassador would be on a first-name basis with someone she'd just met and didn't remember, but she knew better than to ask whether the ambassador really wanted to be called Astrid. "Astrid. It's good to see you."

It might've been Rachel's imagination, but Astrid seemed to relax a little. "Thank you."

Rachel said the first thing that came to mind. "How are you?"

Astrid's posture tensed. "Fine. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Rachel said, wondering what pit she'd accidentally stepped in. "I haven't seen you in a while and thought I'd ask how you are."

"I'm sorry," Astrid said quietly, looking down. "I thought you meant...something else." She cleared her throat, re-summoning her poise. "I suppose I should tell you I'm no longer serving as an ambassador. I've stepped down." She gave Rachel a challenging glance, as though she were expecting criticism or commentary.

"I'm sure you have your reasons," Rachel said. There was definitely some sort of tension in Astrid's side of the conversation, but Rachel had no idea what it was or how it might be eased. She assumed the reason Astrid had stepped down was a sensitive one, and decided not to ask about it. "What are you doing now?"

Astrid seemed nonplussed by the question, but after a moment's pause, she evidently interpreted it as sincere. "I work in a shop, designing and making clothes."

"Oh, that's perfect!" Rachel said, remembering how elegant Astrid had looked that day in Ten-Forward.

Astrid looked startled. "Is it?"

Rachel nodded. "I only met you once and I remember how striking your clothes were. Did you design your own clothes then?"

Astrid looked genuinely pleased. "When I had time, yes! I've always liked working with fabrics--different colors, different textures, different drapes."

"Well, you're clearly very good at it," Rachel said. "Maybe I'll have to request an outfit or two."

"Thank you," Astrid said, smiling. "I hope you will." She paused. "Well, it was good to see you."

Rachel could take a hint. "Good to see you too. Maybe we could get raktajino sometime."

"Maybe," Astrid said with a nod. "Goodbye."

"Bye." Rachel gave Astrid a little wave.

She wasn't sure Astrid would welcome her stopping by the tailor shop. Maybe she'd do something else tomorrow and visit the tailor shop later--and if she arrived at the shop and Astrid seemed uncomfortable, she could manufacture a reason to leave.

For some reason, Rachel loved the mental image of Astrid working with clothes. She could picture Astrid cutting fabric by hand, leaning over her workspace, concentrating intently, manipulating colorful textiles...and the mental image made Rachel a bit shivery inside.

Not tomorrow, then. Maybe a few days after.


	3. Reunion's Aftermath

Astrid's heart was still pounding by the time she made it to her quarters, and her hands were freezing cold. She'd thought she would be safe here, far from Trill, far from the people she used to have contact with most often, but even here, the past never left her alone. Astrid hadn't been called Ambassador in years, but the title was enough to start the creep of anxiety in her stomach, to remind her of that feeling of being trapped.

She didn't remember meeting Rachel, although that didn't surprise her. Most of the five years she'd spent as an ambassador were either fragmentary or completely gone from her memory. That was one of the things she was trying to get away from; she hated the pitying look people gave her when they obviously knew her and she just as obviously didn't know them. Her memory loss turned what should've been casual conversations into ever-evolving disasters, with smiles stretched too tight and constant evasions to hide what she'd lost. She was usually better at maintaining the facade than she'd been with Rachel, but she'd been caught off-guard. It had been long enough since she'd seen anyone she was supposed to know that she wasn't prepared for it anymore.

Rachel had been gentle with Astrid, though. She'd even praised Astrid's newfound career, which wasn't the response Astrid usually got from people who knew her. Of course, people who knew her usually also knew or were members of her family, and that was its own problem. That problem was more limited in scope, though, because her family hadn't yet visited Starbase 343, and Astrid didn't expect them to. They had done all they could to save her life, but it was an embarrassment to them. She was an embarrassment to them.

Never mind. She wasn't going to think about that now. And none of this was Rachel's fault. Poor Rachel, accidentally blundering into a tense situation that no human could understand. Astrid hoped she hadn't behaved too imperiously. Rachel had been kind, and Astrid hadn't been completely ignorant of the fact that Rachel was also a very attractive human. Was Rachel as gentle in her actions as she was in her conversations? Astrid shivered, imagining Rachel's lips just barely brushing the spots on her forehead, Rachel's fingertips gliding along Astrid's sides. She hadn't been intimate with anyone since...well, since before she'd been joined, and even then it had been done secretly. She could still remember her mother's warnings. _"It's irresponsible to have relationships before joining. What if your joined self doesn't choose the person your unjoined self would have? What if your partner doesn't love your joined self as much?"_ Ironic that her mother had been the one to raise the issue, considering what had happened.

Astrid was lonely. It was a struggle to have been part of a family and then to suddenly live alone. T'Meni had offered to let Astrid move in with her, but Astrid suspected that, although their clothing design aesthetics were complementary, their living preferences might not be. Astrid didn't want to have to hide her emotions in her own living space, and although T'Meni had never said anything about Astrid being too emotional, Astrid knew she would feel the need to tone herself down anyway.

So this was her life now. She designed clothes, she refused roommates, and she practically ran away in terror when a nice person tried to hold a conversation with her. Looking at it that way, Astrid was less than impressed.

Maybe she would take Rachel up on that raktajino after all.


	4. Morning Raktajino

Upon waking, Rachel was surprised to find an audio message waiting for her on the PADD next to her bed. She tapped the PADD to play the message.

"Hi, Rachel. It's Astrid. I think I ended our conversation rudely yesterday, and I'd like to make it up to you. If you're serious about raktajino, Endar's makes the best on the whole base. I'll be there at 0900 hours, if you'd like to meet me. If not, I understand. Talk to you later." The message ended with a beep.

Rachel checked the time to make sure she hadn't missed their potential meeting, but it was only 0800. She had time for a sonic shower and some breakfast.

Forty-five minutes later, Rachel walked cautiously into Endar's, and smiled when she saw Astrid sitting at a small table.

"Well," Rachel said as she approached the table, "I'm glad I'm not the only one who shows up ridiculously early to meetings."

Astrid laughed. "When I was involved in negotiations, I wanted to be sure I knew what impromptu comments the other representatives made before the negotiations started. Sometimes those comments revealed what was most important."

Rachel nodded. "You can learn a lot if you're willing to listen."

"Absolutely," Astrid agreed.

A friendly-looking Talarian approached them. "Good morning!"

"Good morning," Astrid said. "Rachel, this is Endar. He owns this place. Endar, this is Rachel. She's here on leave."

"Good to meet you," Rachel said politely.

"I'm pleased to meet any friend of Astrid's," Endar said. "What can I get you two?"

"A raktajino, please," Rachel said. "I've heard it's the best one on the base."

"I'm flattered," Endar said with a smile. "And for you, Astrid?"

"A double raktajino, please," Astrid said.

Endar looked faintly scandalized. "A double raktajino? This early in the morning?" But the familiarity with which he said it made clear that this was a longstanding joke of some sort between him and Astrid.

"That's when I need it the most," Astrid said, and her response was clearly the well-rehearsed answer to the well-rehearsed question.

"A raktajino and a double raktajino, coming right up," Endar said, hurrying into the kitchen.

Astrid leaned toward Rachel confidentially. "Raktajinos have a somewhat...intoxicating effect on Talarians."

"Ohhh," Rachel said with a nod. "I've never been to a Talarian restaurant before."

"They don't open many off-world," Astrid said. "Talarian food culture is highly insular and very competitive. Every year, there are a series of rigorous cooking challenges designed to see who the best chefs are on the planet. It's very prestigious to win, while losing at the early levels can leave your restaurant disgraced."

"It sounds interesting," Rachel said. "Did Endar win?"

Astrid shook her head. "Endar didn't compete. In those competitions you have to focus on Talarian cuisine only."

"Not Klingon coffee?" Rachel guessed.

"Definitely not Klingon coffee," Astrid said with a smile. "But the Talarian homeworld's loss is our gain."

"You two must be good friends," Rachel said. People she met in passing usually didn't tell her as much about their lives as she'd learned about Endar in the past few minutes.

Astrid shrugged. "I'm a good customer and a good listener. I don't know about friend."

There was an awkward silence, but thankfully, it was interrupted by Endar and the raktajinos. "A double for you, Astrid...and a single for you, Rachel." Endar set the cups on the table and stepped back, evidently waiting for Rachel to try it.

Rachel lifted the cup to her lips, and was rewarded with a deep richness on her tongue that was accented by a sweet frothiness with just a little bite. She closed her eyes to focus on the flavor. "This is delicious." She opened her eyes to see Endar beaming. "How do you get that bite to it?"

Endar needed no further prompting, moving a chair from a nearby table so he could sit with them. "I'm so glad you asked. I've done a lot of experimenting, but my favorite thing I've added to raktajino so far is what I add to it for my customers, and that's a few Terran spices--cinnamon and ginger." He leaned in as though he was sharing a secret. "But not replicated cinnamon and ginger. You have to get them _from Terra_." He leaned back, looking pleased. "It's more time-consuming, but it's absolutely worth it."

Rachel lifted her cup of raktajino, silently toasting Endar and Astrid with it, and Endar laughed. 

Just then, a few other Starfleet officers entered the restaurant, and Endar gave Astrid and Rachel an apologetic look. "Excuse me. New guests." He pushed his chair back to its table and bustled over to the officers.

Rachel took another sip of raktajino. "This is amazing, and I might've missed it if it hadn't been for you. Thank you."

Astrid took her first sip, looking a little shy. "You're welcome."

"So, you'd know the answer to this," Rachel said. "The Bolian restaurant. Is it as good as everyone says it is?"

"Yes, if you order the right things," Astrid said, leaning toward Rachel. "Don't order anything with an AC next to it in the menu--that's high acid content, and it gives most humanoids heartburn. Those dishes are mostly for Bolians who want home cooking. I love their version of tomato soup though. They do it with dumplings and a kind of cream sauce only produced on Bolarus IX--it's outstanding."

"You know a lot about food," Rachel said.

Astrid shrugged, looking a bit self-conscious. "My father has a restaurant back on Trill. When I was little, I used to love being in the kitchen with him, watching him cook. He'd always explain everything he was doing as he did it."

"Sounds nice," Rachel said with a smile. "Food's important in my family too. My mother used to code her own replicator recipes so that she could get them exactly right--like her mom used to make. When I got my first Starfleet posting, she gave me all the hand-coded recipes so I could have family meals no matter where I was in the universe."

Astrid smiled. "Your mother sounds wonderful."

"She is."

"Is she in Starfleet too?"

"No--in fact, almost the opposite. She's a housing agent on Earth; she helps people find homes they'll love."

Astrid looked intrigued. "She must be good at it."

"Very!" Rachel had accompanied her mother on house tours often enough to know exactly how good her mother was at matching people with their perfect homes. "Sometimes she works with architects when her clients want something a little less conventional. I think I liked those the most--getting to see what people chose to build, and how everyone comes together to make something that will work for all of them."

"No wonder you're a Starfleet captain," Astrid said, sipping her raktajino. "That's a lot of collaboration."

"It is," Rachel said with a smile. She remembered how Astrid had deduced that she was an engineer the first time they'd met; clearly her observational skills hadn't dulled at all. "Most people don't think about being a captain that way; they just think about the part of the job where you have to order people around. Which, yes, sometimes you have to do that, but the best captains I've seen don't give orders any more than they have to."

"Diplomacy," Astrid suggested, her tone almost mischievous.

"Diplomacy," Rachel agreed, smiling. "I'm sure you have to be diplomatic too, designing clothes for people."

Astrid nodded emphatically. "More than I'd imagined. I'm not always good at it. It's hard to change something you love in a design." She laughed a little. "But T'Meni is the perfect diplomat, so if I can't manage the situation, I know she can."

Rachel nodded. "It's good to have someone you can rely on."

"It is." Astrid was quiet for a moment, stirring her raktajino and looking thoughtful. Then she met Rachel's eyes. "You mentioned you might want us to make some clothes for you sometime. I don't know if you meant it or were being polite, but--"

"I definitely wasn't being polite," Rachel said.

Astrid smiled. "Then you should come to the shop. Things are slow at the moment, and it would be nice to see a friendly face."

"Okay," Rachel said. Maybe she could stick with her original plan. "Would tomorrow be too soon?"

"Tomorrow would be perfect. We don't have any appointments in the afternoon."

"I'll be there," Rachel said.

"Good," Astrid said, looking satisfied. 

Rachel wasn't sure why it mattered to Astrid that she come in and order some new clothes, but maybe Astrid had dealt with a lot of temperamental people lately and was eager to bring in someone less judgmental. Rachel had definitely noticed how often Astrid expected to be judged, even in the course of this conversation. Well, Rachel wasn't one to judge, and she was now intensely curious what sort of clothes Astrid and T'Meni might design for her. So, to the tailor shop it was.

"Great," Rachel said, giving Astrid a smile.


	5. Tailor Shop, Morning and Afternoon

Astrid arrived at the shop later than usual, and T'Meni was already there. "Good morning!"

"You are late," T'Meni said.

"I stopped at Endar's," Astrid said, heading for her drafting table. T'Meni tended to prepare her own meals rather than eat at the Starbase's restaurants, but she knew how much Astrid liked the food at Endar's.

T'Meni followed her. "You are late, and you are pleased. What has happened?"

"Nothing happened," Astrid said, settling into her chair and looking at the designs she'd been working on yesterday. Would any of these do for Rachel?

"You have met someone new," T'Meni said. "Perhaps someone you are attracted to."

Astrid stared at T'Meni. "How did you work that out?"

"When I asked if anything had happened, you blushed when you denied it. Among emotion-driven humanoids, a blush is often a sign of thinking about something personal. Your lateness signified some sort of unusually lengthy interaction, but your good mood upon entering showed that the interaction had not been displeasing."

Astrid considered herself to be reasonably observant, but she knew very well that T'Meni was several steps ahead of her in many situations. "You're almost right."

T'Meni raised an eyebrow, waiting.

Astrid allowed herself a smile. "I met her yesterday."

"I see," T'Meni said with a nod. "I congratulate you."

That did surprise Astrid. "You do?"

"You are my friend," T'Meni said. "I would prefer to see you happy."

Astrid hadn't known that T'Meni thought much about anyone's emotional states. The Vulcans she'd known in Starfleet didn't talk about those things. Or maybe they had and she didn't remember.

"Thank you," Astrid said, leaning on her table. "So. How are you this morning?"

"I am well," T'Meni said. "My sleep was acceptable and this morning's plomeek soup was adequate."

Astrid smiled, making some changes to her most recent design on her PADD. "You know, Endar's been working on plomeek soup recipes. I bet he'd love to have an actual Vulcan to taste it and give him some feedback."

"I am uncertain," T'Meni said hesitantly. "I have occasionally offered feedback about meals I have consumed and sometimes it has been most unwelcome. I have found it is safest simply to express my appreciation whether I believe the meal is successful or not."

"Endar came up through the Talarian restaurant system. I doubt you could say anything worse than what he heard there," Astrid said.

T'Meni was silent for a moment. "That is encouraging. Perhaps you might tell him that I would like to be useful in his recipe design. He may call upon me for assistance if he wishes."

Astrid smiled. She was sure that Endar and T'Meni would appreciate each other once they got to know each other better, although Endar's buoyant personality might be a little overwhelming for T'Meni at first. "I'll let him know."

Still T'Meni hovered. Astrid looked up at her, wondering what else T'Meni could be waiting to say.

"Your new friend," T'Meni said. "Will I have the chance to meet her?"

Astrid smiled. "Her name is Rachel, and she's coming in for a fitting tomorrow afternoon."

T'Meni inclined her head. "Are there things you would prefer I not introduce into the conversation?"

Astrid looked back down. She didn't even like to think about it, but since T'Meni had asked... "If you wouldn't mention the...the difficulties I had on Trill..."

"I will not," T'Meni said firmly.

"Thank you."

T'Meni seemed to sense that there was no more to be said. "I will leave you to your work."

Work was good. Astrid could lose herself in work.

***

Rachel had asked the computer about tailor shops on the Starbase in case there was more than one, but Astrid and T'Meni's seemed to be the only one, which made finding it easier. As usual, Rachel was fifteen minutes early, and Astrid was waiting for her.

"I thought you might be early," Astrid said, smiling slightly.

"And here I am," Rachel said. "So how does this work? I haven't had clothes made for me like this...well, since I was a kid." Sometimes her mother had made her clothes if there had been something specific Rachel had needed. Her mother had always insisted on hand-coding clothing instructions for the replicator just as she'd hand-coded recipes for the replicator; the fabrics didn't feel quite right any other way, she'd said.

"First we talk about what you'd like," Astrid said. "The kind of clothing, and what kinds of colors and fabrics you prefer. I can either pull out some designs to show you or sketch some as we're talking. Then T'Meni will measure you--she's brilliant at measurements--and we'll both get to work on your clothes."

"I can leave my ship's information for you, so that when you're sending out a transport, you can send my clothes," Rachel offered.

"I'll try to have at least one piece done before you go, so you can take it with you," Astrid said.

"Really?" Rachel said. She knew clothes could be produced with the whir of a replicator, but tailor shops usually didn't traffic in anything that quickly made, which meant that T'Meni and Astrid were going to be working very hard on something made by hand for her to take with her.

"I can't promise it will be the most intricate thing on your list," Astrid said, "but yes, I should have something for you."

"That's great," Rachel said. "Thank you."

"So...what did you have in mind?" Astrid asked.

Ah. Rachel had known that Astrid would ask that question, and yet despite having a full day to grapple with it, she still didn't have any particularly good answers. So she decided to be honest. "I'm not sure. I've been thinking about it, but..." She grimaced. "Actually, most of the reason I'm here is I wanted to see you again."

Astrid looked shy but pleased. "Did you?"

"Yeah," Rachel said. "Is that okay?"

"I invited you, didn't I?" 

Rachel nodded. "You did."

Astrid rested a hand on Rachel's arm. "Well, then."

Rachel looked down at Astrid's hand, and after a moment, Astrid did too. Rachel wondered if Astrid was realizing what Rachel was realizing...that this was the first time they'd actually touched each other. 

"Is this okay?" Astrid whispered.

Rachel nodded. "Very."

"Very okay? Is that grammatical?" Astrid teased gently.

"No," Rachel said, feeling a smile spread across her face. "I think I forgot my grammar."

"I can't imagine why," Astrid said, though her playful tone of voice indicated that she knew exactly why.

Rachel rested a hand atop Astrid's, testing whether her touch would be welcome. "Me neither."

Astrid met Rachel's eyes, expression slightly apologetic. "My hands are cold."

"They'll warm up," Rachel said, leaning closer.

Astrid was leaning closer too. "Will they really," she whispered.

Their lips touched, and Rachel felt as if her body was suddenly alive with excitement. Yes, _this._ This was what she'd hoped for...longed for. She moved her hand to brush it along the side of Astrid's face, and felt Astrid shiver.

After a moment, they pulled out of the kiss. Astrid's face was flushed and she was breathing a little heavily.

"Well," Astrid said, "that was..." She seemed to run out of words.

Rachel nodded. "Yes, it was."

Astrid cupped Rachel's cheek in her hand and leaned in, kissing her again. Rachel returned the kiss eagerly, feeling tingly all through, as though she were being transported somewhere very slowly and would solidify in a couple of hours. Or maybe a couple days.

They were both breathing heavily when they finished this one.

"I started some designs for you yesterday," Astrid said, still catching her breath. "Based on what you've been wearing on leave...things I thought you might like. Light blue is...a traditional spring color on Trill. I think it would look beautiful on you."

Rachel felt her face heat. "Thank you."

Astrid moved her hand along Rachel's arm, and it was a caress this time. "Would you like to see the designs?"

Rachel caught Astrid's hand in hers and just...held it for a moment, skin to skin. "Love to."

Astrid smiled, a full, bright smile that Rachel had never seen before, and the joy of it made Rachel's breath catch in her chest. "Right."

If Rachel had known ordering clothes could be like this, she would've done it a long time ago.


	6. Delivery and Discussion

The next few days were the best of Astrid's life. She met Rachel for raktajino every morning and for dinner every night, and they spent time in Rachel's temporary quarters getting to know each other. During the day, Astrid worked with Rachel as her inspiration, putting together clothes that she hoped Rachel would love...that she hoped would make Rachel think of her. If T'Meni noticed Astrid's new abundance of enthusiasm, she didn't say anything about it, helping Astrid with the clothing order when and where she could. Astrid was grateful that T'Meni didn't ask her questions about her new relationship. She felt a bit superstitious about it, as though talking about it might make it go away. Astrid felt as though she were a desert discovering that rain existed; she had never had intimacy like this with anyone, although she was sure at least a few of Teo's past hosts must have. She couldn't remember any of those times, so all this was very new to her.

The moment Astrid finished the light blue dress, she put it in a stasis container and hurried to Rachel's quarters.

Rachel answered the door with a quizzical look that immediately dissolved into delight when she saw Astrid. Astrid thought she would never get tired of the way Rachel looked at her.

"Hi!" Rachel said, stepping aside to let Astrid in. "I thought we weren't meeting until 1800 hours."

"I know, but I couldn't wait," Astrid said, holding out the stasis container to Rachel. "Here."

Rachel took the container, eyes wide. "Is this something you made?"

Astrid couldn't stop smiling. "Open it and see."

Rachel opened the container, touching the fabric gently with her fingertips and drawing a breath. "It's so soft."

"It's a mixture of fibers," Astrid said, tongue loosened by excitement. "A synthesis of cotton and a Trill fabric called en'zha--both known for being soft and pleasant to wear. En'zha keeps its shape and is resistant to wrinkles, so you should have no problem packing it for travel."

Rachel pulled the dress out of the container and held it at arm's length, staring. It was light blue, with flutter sleeves, and a bodice with a panel of fabric on each side that crossed to form a v-neck in front (Terran designers tended to call such a design a "surplice", Astrid had noticed). All the seams and edges had a gentle curvature or wave to them; there were no severe lines. The skirt was long, to mid-calf, and it consisted of several layers of fabric she'd constructed to stay an inch or two apart, so that the layers were visible and appeared to defy gravity by floating slightly away from one another, never touching.

"I thought when you said you were making me something to take with me...I thought you meant a scarf or..." Rachel turned to Astrid, still holding the dress, eyes wet. "This is _beautiful._ "

Astrid felt herself relax--her one remaining worry had been that Rachel might not like the dress now that it was real and in front of her. "Thank you. I'm so glad you like it."

"I love it! This is..." Rachel looked at the dress, shaking her head in wonder. "This is like nothing I've ever had in my whole life." She turned to look at Astrid. "How did you get this done? I know how much time you were spending with me."

"It was easy once T'Meni helped me figure out the engineering aspects of it," Astrid said. "Cutting and piecing's much easier than when I was joined."

"Wait," Rachel said. "When you _were_ joined?"

Astrid realized, too late, what she'd said. "I...I mean..."

"I didn't think Trill could be unjoined," Rachel said. "In Starfleet, they tell you that after about 90 hours, joining's for life."

"It's supposed to be," Astrid said, fighting to sound calm even though her heart was pounding and her hands were cold.

Rachel set the dress on the bed, crossing to Astrid and taking her hands. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

"I didn't want you to know," Astrid said, holding Rachel's hands tightly. "You don't understand what a...how _ashamed_..."

Rachel led Astrid to the bed, helping her sit. "Only tell me if you want to. I promise, I understand being private."

Astrid took several deep breaths. "How...how much do you know about the joining process?"

"Not much," Rachel said. "I hear it's pretty competitive."

Astrid nodded. "Especially when your mother is the head of the Symbiosis Commission."

"That's the organization in charge of joining?" Rachel said.

Astrid managed a smile at that. "My family is very powerful on Trill. I was signed up to be an initiate before I could read."

Rachel nodded, moving one hand to rest gently on Astrid's back. "Is that what you wanted?"

"I don't know," Astrid said. "I never had a chance to want anything else. When I was an initiate, Teo's host at the time, Nilani, evaluated me. She was getting older, and suspected that I might be Teo's next host." Nilani had been nice--sharp-tongued sometimes, but also forthright with praise when it was deserved. Astrid had liked her...but Astrid's mother had not. "My mother wanted to know what Teo was like, if Teo was going to be joined with me." Astrid flinched, remembering how embarrassed she'd been when she'd learned what her mother had done. "So she brought Nilani in for an interview to make sure that both Nilani and Teo were good enough for her daughter. She also wanted to make clear that I would keep my family name as well as taking Teo's name."

"Oh no." Rachel looked sympathetic. "I'm guessing it didn't go how she planned?"

"Nilani was so angry. She never spoke to me again," Astrid said quietly. "She couldn't make sure that I didn't become Teo's host, but because Teo was part of her..." The corners of her mouth twitched upward in an attempt at a smile. Astrid had often had the feeling that all of this should have been funny in some dark way, if only she could find the right entry point for the joke. "They didn't know symbionts could reject a host until me."

"Reject? But...you were joined, weren't you?"

"I was. But there were signs from the beginning that something was wrong. I couldn't always remember things from the lives of Teo's previous hosts. It didn't feel like Teo and I were joined; it felt like Teo and I were...fighting. Teo was the one who wanted to work as an ambassador...partly to get away from my family. Teo was good at talking and I was good at listening, so it worked for a while."

Rachel nodded. "What happened?"

"I started having memory lapses. Couldn't remember where I was or how I had gotten there. And then I started having problems with muscle control." Astrid shook her head. "There was no other option. They had to take Teo out."

"And you survived," Rachel said.

"I almost didn't," Astrid said. "A few times, I nearly died. I don't remember that, but I remember how awful I felt when I first woke up, after the danger had passed. And when I woke up, I didn't remember most of what had happened during the years I'd been joined." She shook her head. "My parents had done absolutely everything they could to save me. But now that I was saved..." She could still remember the disappointment in their eyes, and how they had turned away from her. So much shame.

"I don't understand," Rachel said, looking bewildered. "Weren't they relieved you were all right?"

"I have to believe some part of them was," Astrid said, voice cracking a little, "but they didn't tell me. Having a joined daughter is an accomplishment. Having a daughter who failed at..." But Astrid still couldn't say it, even now.

"You didn't fail," Rachel said firmly. "You were in a bad situation! There's nothing you could've done."

"I don't know." She looked at Rachel. "That's why I had to leave. I couldn't face my family anymore."

"I understand," Rachel said. She winced. "I mean, I probably don't, but...I'm sorry that happened to you."

Sympathy without judgment was too much. Astrid leaned sideways against Rachel, and Rachel leaned against her, her arm still snugly around Astrid's shoulders. 

Finally, Astrid could stop holding back her tears.


	7. Coming to Terms

"I am uncertain why we are here," T'Meni said.

Astrid kept her eyes on her menu. "I like breakfast at Endar's, and you volunteered to help with his plomeek soup project."

"True, but the logistics are perplexing," T'Meni said. "You have been meeting with Rachel every morning until today. Has something changed?"

Sometimes Astrid hated logic. She hated logic and she hated having to explain herself. "Why does it matter? And don't say because you're my friend."

T'Meni was silent for a long moment, long enough that Astrid almost felt it was an injured silence. "You do not believe me?"

Astrid sighed. "I'm a social pariah on my homeworld and a complete mess otherwise. What about that inspires friendship?"

Another long silence from T'Meni. "Vulcans perhaps prize different things in their friendships than Trill. I am aware that cultural differences can contribute to misunderstanding, so I will attempt to explain." She paused. "Loyalty is a value in Vulcan culture. Not unthinking loyalty, but support provided at a time of need. When we met, I was experiencing...difficulties. You provided support that was essential to working through these difficulties, and I placed a great deal of value on such support. When you left Trill, you were in a time of difficulty, and I have attempted to provide support to you. I have not always known the best way to do this, but I have tried. Trill social values are irrelevant to me. Your ability to function as you once did is also irrelevant to me. You have been my friend and I wish to be yours."

Astrid had only once before felt so ashamed. T'Meni _was_ a good friend. "I'm sorry, T'Meni. I shouldn't have said those things." She sighed. "I still feel unmoored. I grew up knowing what I was meant to do, and then I couldn't do it. I valued aspects of myself that are gone now, and I don't know how to like myself without them."

"That is why friends are necessary," T'Meni said. "They see beneficial qualities in you even when you do not. It is only logical."

Astrid laughed, though she was also perilously close to tears. "It is. Very logical." She almost reached out to touch T'Meni's hand before remembering exactly how intimate touch was to Vulcans. "Thank you."

T'Meni inclined her head. "You are welcome."

Maybe now was the time to resolve something else Astrid had been making assumptions about. "Can I ask you something? When I get emotional, does it bother you?"

"I am not always certain how to react," T'Meni said, "but the presence of the emotion itself is not bothersome. It is part of you, as my logic is part of me."

Astrid's breath caught at the analogy.

"Are you well?" T'Meni asked.

"I was just thinking I've misjudged you," Astrid said. "A lot."

"Illogical species often do," T'Meni said, raising one eyebrow very slightly.

Astrid laughed aloud. "Is that a joke?"

"It was an attempt," T'Meni said. "I am pleased that it produced the desired effect."

"So am I." Astrid paused. "I told Rachel the truth last night. Everything. And now I'm second-guessing myself."

"About telling her?"

Astrid nodded. "I don't want her to think badly of me."

"Rachel is human. She has not internalized Trill culture in the way you have. I assume she will think as I do."

That was an interesting answer. "What do you think, T'Meni? I don't think you've ever expressed an opinion about...what happened."

"Your parents' unwillingness to accept their role in what happened is most illogical and also unfair to you. That is my assessment."

Astrid nodded. That wasn't her assessment, because she didn't know how to relieve herself of feeling responsible for what had gone wrong, but maybe one day, she would be able to agree with T'Meni. She hoped so. "Thank you."

Endar approached the table. "This appears to be quite a serious conversation. May I interrupt to take your order?"

"You may," T'Meni said.

"Endar, I'm not sure if you know T'Meni? She's my friend who works with me in the tailor shop," Astrid said.

"I don't think I've had the pleasure!" Endar said. "Do you also enjoy raktajino?"

T'Meni looked slightly ill at the thought. "Not at this time of morning."

Endar laughed loud and long. "I like you very much already! Very well. A double raktajino and groatcakes for Astrid, and what would you like?"

"I understand you have plomeek soup on the menu?" T'Meni asked.

Endar grimaced. "Ah. I do, but the recipe isn't what I would call Vulcan-worthy, if that matters."

"Will you permit me to help it reach..." T'Meni paused. "...Vulcan-worthiness?"

Endar looked delighted. "You would be willing?"

"My own version is adequate," T'Meni said. "I would like yours to be better than mine."

"If you're willing to try it and provide truly honest feedback, I'm more than willing to serve it to you," Endar said.

"I have no dearth of truly honest feedback," T'Meni said. Astrid hid a smile.

"Wonderful! One raktajino, one order of groatcakes, and one plomeek soup it is," Endar said, bustling off toward the kitchen.

T'Meni cleared her throat quietly. "I believe we have company."

Astrid turned to see Rachel hovering by the entryway of Endar's, uncertain whether or not she should come in. She was wearing the blue dress Astrid had made her, and Astrid felt a rush of pride and warmth. The dress was just as flattering to Rachel as Astrid had imagined.

Astrid stood, crossing the room to Rachel. "You're wearing the dress."

Rachel smiled. "I thought you might want to see how it fit. Especially since I never got around to trying it on yesterday." She twirled a little, making the skirt flare out. "It's so comfortable. I love it."

"You look beautiful," Astrid said.

"Thank you," Rachel said. She hesitated. "I wasn't sure you'd want to see me today."

Astrid nodded. "I wasn't sure either. Last night was..."

Rachel nodded. "Yeah." She gestured outside. "Um, I don't have to be here, if you're uncomfortable."

"I thought I might be," Astrid said, "but I'm not."

Rachel smiled just a little. "No?"

"T'Meni and I were just about to have breakfast. Are you hungry?"

Rachel nodded, hope in her eyes. "Sure."

"Then come," Astrid said warmly, taking Rachel's hand in hers. "Join us."


End file.
